Child Responses

Each age in childhood has its own set of expected challenges and behavior within the course of normal development. By understanding what these are, you may be able to better recognize what difficulties may possibly be related to the additional strain of a parent's illness.

Infants and Toddlers (0-2 years)

unable to understand or appreciate details of diagnosis, prognosis or treatment planning
sensitive to changes in routine or changes in caregivers
shift to earlier less mature behaviors (fussiness, difficulty with separations or bedtime)

Preschoolers (3-6 years)

limited ability to appreciate the details of diagnosis, prognosis and treatment planning
vulnerable to misunderstanding the reason illness occurs and self-blame • even with understanding, may require repeated explanations
increased sensitivity and difficulty with feelings (they may be very weepy about small frustrations, and calm or silly when discussing the illness)
themes of illness may become present in their play
sensitive to changes in routines and rules: decreased limits and extra treats can sometimes worsen behavior

School-Age Children (7-12 years)

able to better understand and appreciate most details of a diagnosis, prognosis and treatment planning
understanding will be limited however: may have more difficulty with nuance and uncertainty
lack emotional maturity, so especially prone to anxiety around illness
may seek extensive information to help tolerate their anxiety (wanting to visit the hospital, see a surgical scar, etc)
may become preoccupied with the unfairness of illness
sensitive to the ways an illness may impact their ability to participate and perform in their normal activities (school and hobbies)
cope by doing things, either related to the illness or established activities
may swing between apparent distress and happy engagement in normal activities
may have difficulty speaking directly about strong or difficult feelings

Adolescents (13-18 years)

fully capable of understanding and appreciating the details of diagnosis, prognosis and treatment planning, including the uncertainty
may turn to friends and other important adults as primary sources of support
may seem very selfish to parents as they fail to pitch in the way parents may expect
may be prone to impulsive risk-taking behavior to manage their distress
prone to guilt and unhappiness as the demands of a parent’s illness are at odds with normal developmental tasks
young adults may be less eager to pursue greater independence in this setting